Anti-conformist << That's me.
Semi-conformist << That's me. [getting out of it though]
However, as long as I live under my parents' roof,
until I develop some confidence, and until I can voice out my
thoughts, I shall remain a semi-conformist.
I [My brain] think[s] a lot. When there are moments
to myself, moments of silence, moments when I'm alone or felling
some sort of passion[ate felling, whatever], I think. A curse
and a blessing. Insight, maturity. Lack of compassion, tactless.
I think of questions I don't want to think about. It's too far
[future]. Death, reason for living, what to do with my life,
etc. Questions randomly pop up in my head, without any conscious
thought, I'm bothered with a question. Whether it be faith,
religion, human behavioral patters, life and death, it bothers
me. I can't sleep. I can't think straight. I get distracted.
For a year I seriously doubted there was a god. Christianity,
Catholicism, whatever you call it, had too many contradictions.
I bantered, debated, researched, even tried my damndest to get
inspired. No such luck. Another year later, I came across a
book which changed my perspective. I now believed there was
a god. If not a god, then some higher entity [I still didn't
believe in Jesus, though]. Some months after that, I attended
a seminar my parents mentioned their club was having. Again,
an added perspective. A plausible viewpoint. All religions are
possibly interliked with one another.IF there were a Jesus,
he was probably Buhdda as well.
Going back tot he book, it opened my eyes to a
whole new area. Maybe it isn't just a higher entity. Maybe the
whole universe, fate, luck, opportunity, failure, and even sin
do whatever they can to help you obtain what you really want
at the time. I now have certain sayings I take to heart. Namely
[some, not all],
+ For the greater good
If some misfortune comes your way, the opposite will come to
you later, as if it saved you from an even larger crisis. [This
always happens to me]
+ If you want something, all the universe strives to help you
Now this came from the book 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho.
In relation to number one, if the first misfortune was the one
you really wanted, then all the universe [or an entity] corrects
that mistake. The world really does revolve around you... in
an odd sort of way
+ Why hate?
Why use such harsh words such as hate? Do you really hate the
world, it's people? This saying applies only to certain people.
I consider myself _extremely lucky_. I've got a family who loves
me [extremely lucky, even if there are arguements and all; soon
forgotten anyway], an education, friends and a few of the finer
things in life. Why bitch and wail if I am not allowed a certain
thing only to praise the thank the hated party if they relented?
People are blind, not stupid. Triggers in our mind tend to make
us forget the little details that should pacify us. Blind rage,
blind love, blind hate, prejudice.... all without true reason.
[Again, I say that it only applies to certain people]
Most lucky people say petty things and have needless
wants. Sometimes it's okay to whine and banter [we're all human]
but most of the time we've got to be more thankful and level-headed.
[only to those who apply]